I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
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I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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