Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
