She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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