I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
