I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
