His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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