I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
