I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
