i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Randomize
