the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
