I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
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