Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
