so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
