Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
