The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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