just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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