Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
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