Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
