I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
