I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
