I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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