He uses pillows to masturbate.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
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how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
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Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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