Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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