I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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