these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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