Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
