I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Randomize