Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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