Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
