So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
