By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
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i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
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