You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
