We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
