I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
