3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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