They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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