i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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