Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
he's gonorrhea incarnate
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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