If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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