I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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