I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
