My friends, they love my intelligence
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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