Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
