i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
