What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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