Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
