He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
