I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
