i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
