do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
