in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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