I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
