Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
it was like eating out sand paper
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
