can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
