found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
