I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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