ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
