you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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