we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
