I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
