i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
