If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
